Lovely pain
by syao kun fan
Summary: I can't describe it just saying chrector death insanity anti spamano and anti americest romano and canada are main parring  canada femromano fem canada human names used based off of true story
1. Why can't I love

I'm done...So done with this... He said he'd protect me, he said he'd save me. Now look at him it's disgusting. He's sleeping with everyone on campass. Ignoring me letting my pain take over. Thats how we got here. He went to far... Belle was my best friend. How could he do this right infront of me. I can feel tears stinging my face. Why? What'd I do I don't get it. He won't speak to me.

"...Antonio..."

His name dripped off my lips like posin. I was like that other girl no one seemed to remeber Maddie. Why? She cheated on her own boyfriend. Do I not matter? Am I a curse? Maybe my brother should have been the only one born. Toni might like him better if it is. Everyone loves Feliciano. Belle would give the world to be his friend instead of mine why aren't I enough I was the first born why am I hated why not even are mother wants me Toni wont stop ignoreing me. It hurts so badly I wanna die. Why was I even born? Theres no point in my existine, everyone wants me dead anyway. Why am I so damned its not fair, I should just die. I wanna die so badly then Feli can have all the attention for all I care. No one cares about me. Kiku even has slept with him. My fratello has his potato pervert, so he wouldnt notice me gone. All I do is take up space.

I could feel it coming up again. The urge to shove my finger down my throat to make my figure prettier for him. I did as usual but this time haven't eat anything. The pain stung as the vomit like acid came up from my stomache. I inspected my finger, there was multiple small scratches on it. I walked over to my kitchen and got the sharpest object I could find. I calmly walked back to my hiding place in my bathroom. I quickly took off my shirt and pants leaving me in a lacey black sports bra and a black pair of underwear. Tears are coming up I can feel them as I bring the sharp blade to slash over my stomache moving up slowly to make cuts across my chest and collar bone. Next I moved all over my arm then wrists crimson red lightly driping all over mixing over pale scares from other cuts and earaser burns. I slid it over my thighs then once to my legs and carefully took the time to carve his name there. Antonio.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I slung my backpack over my shoulders. I looked in disgust at Belle, as Antonio had his arm around her. I felt a strong force bump against me

"Watch it fag."

My eyes widend only Toni knew I was a bisexual. I looked up and saw Toni smirk as he pointed to me, never before have I been able to read lips, but this moment when it was clear.

"Faggot."

It was cold and I felt anger rush all over me.

"SHUT UP YOU STUPID MAN WHORE! AS IF YOU DON'T SLEEP WITH BOTH GENDERS AND YOUR BROTHERS!" I couldn't belive I said that. Yes, I yelled at Toni before but this time I was so serious and full of hatred. A smooth hand collided with my face as Belle smirked

"Thats not how you talk to my boyfriend **faggot**." The words were cold and had hit me like ice. I couldn't have walked away fast enough, there was to many people for me to actully fight back, but their words ran threw my head. I was finally far enough away without leaving campus.

"Lovino?"

I looked up the voice was small but enough to catch my attention. I reconised her as Alfreds girlfriend Maddie Williams. I sunddenly felt silent. What if she was here to say the same things.

"Oh you can't see me either? Or are you ignoring me?" She said red flickering threw her purplely blue eyes that were hid behind glasses.

"No I just didnt know your intentions for you talking to me." I sounded so stupid. She smiled and sat by me

"I'm not like them." She smiled her long curly blonde hair in twin pigtails. All she did was sit there until I spoke again.

"So how are you and Alfred?" I asked quickly then switching to playing with my pony tail

She frowned ,and if possible it seemed like she was trying to make her self invisible. It seemed like a touchy subject.

"Alfred could care less about me now." She muttered quietly.

"Sorry." I said I really wish I didn't say that now

We sat talking to each other for along time, about nothing. I almsot forgot about 'him' and I think same with her about Alfred. She smiled brightly as we talked about our home countries. She said how she used to have a lot of stuffed polar bears, and Francis even painted polar bears on her wall. He must not have been as bad as I thought of a brother. I, in return, told her about the tomatoe farm, back in Italy that me and Feliciano left behind, leaving behind all the sad parts about our mother and grandfather. We got along quiet well. For once I wasn't swearing up a storm every 5 seconds. She even said she thinks she's talking louder then she used to. Then I saw it, she went to push some hair behind her ear, there was multiple milky white scars and dark red slice marks. But what got me was the large brusie on the side of her face. She must of noticed, and remembered becuase she pushed her hair back into her face.

"Sorry" She muttered returning quiet.

With no idea what to do, I was reduced to this, "I'll keep your secret, if you keep mine."

I flipped over my wrist slightly. Her face looked surprised then sifted back uncomfortably. She nodded.

"Where are your brusies from?" I asked uncaringly

"Some girls in the locker room. I doubt if Alfreds seen it that he cares. He hates how quiet I am."

She tried to mutter the last sentence, like she felt guilty, like she was cheating on him or something.

I knew what she was going through. I got beat up countless times in the locker room recently. I smiled softly; "This is pretty stupid but can we be freinds?" I blushed at how stupid I sounded. With a nod she smiled too.

"Sounds like fun...Friends." She whispered

(One week later)

I had heavy bags under my eyes. I couldn't belive people. Someone attempted to start Maddies dorm on fire. I can't belive it. Anyway, she's staying with me now. We're both relived, but I noticed we have the same problem. Night terrors.

"Francis is out on a class trip. He didn't hear about the fire, I didn't tell him."

I looked sadly down at Maddie. It was fianlly Saturday, throughout our week bullying picked up and I was tired of being called a fag and a dyke, which, I don't even know what that means! Anyway I don't know why I thought it would take a weekened break but stupid me. I logged on to facebook, 22 people online.

I bit my lip as I read it 58 notifications. I know I shouldn't but, curiosity got me.

Alec Kirkland commented on your status.

Status: When you come over stop eating my last Tomatoe Antonio Fernandez Carriedo

Alec Kirkland: Hey stupid stalker dyke leave Toni out oyur excus of a life.

I swallowed, thats not so bad. 57 notifications left to go. But each one slightly worse then the last till I got to the last one.

Antonio Fernandez Carriedo commented on a photo of you.

The photo was the best day of my life. I loved it, I was standing on the swing and he was next to me holding up a tomatoe.

Antonio Fernandez Cariedo: Take this photo down and hang your self, I never wanna see anything with me next to you fag

I bit my lip and ran to the bathroom. I swung open the wooden cabnet, I new I'd have to fix it later. I picked up the knife, it hadn't been used since 3 days ago. I swiped it against my wrists, bitting my lip I tried to forget my bleeding. I looked at the crimson red drops forming. Blue eyes filled to the brim with tears.

"STRONZO!" I cried out.

There was a pounding on the door, it sounded frantic.

"Lovi, Lovi are you okay? Lovi please don't be- Lovi!" She sounded like she was crying.

I unlocked the door, and stepped out. Showing Maddie I was fine, I looked so weak but so did she. I noticed my laptop was on the ground. She wrapped her arms around me.

"Don't listen to Antonio, you have to live. You have so much to live for, I don't want you to die please." She pleaded

My tank top was getting wet from her tears. I know I shouldn't do it but I did. I lifted her chin up to look at me.

"Maddie." I whispered softly wipping her tears.

Then I did the unthinkable. I leaned down and kissed Maddie. I backed away but, I wish if it wasn't so wrong, that we could stay like that forever, her in my arms.

Sparks flew it was so magical. Love... No people say I can't love. Not that way, they tell me it's sick and wrong. But I love her so much. Maddie her name feels like honey.

Maddie looked up at me so innocently tears gone from her eyes. We stayed staring for a minute, until we both blushed deeply.

"S-sorry." I apologized in case I crossed some sort of line.

"I-it's fine." She said red turning rose pink.

I could almost hear my heart start to pound I felt like it'd pop out of my chest. Amazing.

"Lovi, truth is.. I have.. I have strong feelings...towards you." She admitted going red again.

She was so cute. I almost couldn't answer. I felt so strongly to, like stories about love at first sight, maybe, just maybe, it really happens. I couldn't belive my heart. I wanted to wrap my arms around her again, and kiss her till the sun came up from the darkness. But instead I leaned back down, planting another kiss on her maple syrup tasting lips.

"Maddie...I will always love you." I promise looking like a tomatoe yet again.

She smiled at me. This was now the best night of my life. I never was in love so night we fell asleep in each others arms. Then Toni, and Alfred fell in love, and died the end. I wish, then if that happened this wouldn't be so sad.

The next morning was Sunday. Boy do I hate Sunday, except today, I woke up to the smell of

"Syrup?" I questioned loudly

I could hear Maddie giggle from my kitchen. I slowly stood up putting on a shirt, which I could never seem to sleep in. I streched, and walked to the place of my giggly blonde girlfriend.

"Morning Lovi, you must have been really tired. It's 2 already." She annouced putting a pancake on a large stack.

I walked over and put my head on hers breathing in the smell of her homeade shampoo. Maple syrup, must be her favorite thing. She giggled her quiet little giggles.

"Come on Lovi let's eat." She said moving as I followed her to the table.

"Hey Maddie? Can we be girlfriends?" I ask Maddie nearly choked on her pancake.

I blushed, did I say it wrong? How did I get asked out? Oh yeah passing notes, in a hallway while supposed to be doing work, I have no experince. Maddie chugged her glass of milk before she spoke again.

"O-of course Lovi, I'd love to, I mean after last night, I thought we were, but yeah not it's official." She stuttered making sure she sounded ok.

She could be so cute. I ate my pancakes in akward silence after that only saying a few, 'These are great's. Maddie was to flustered to talk anyway. I thought she was so cute. But then that must have been me a while ago, a cute blushing mess. Hell, I still am sometimes. The pancakes were like heavan in your mouth. The maple syrup tasted like Maddies lips. I've never really went all out to say delisious until now. They were, absolutely delisious, magnifisent.

"Maddie, can we um go on a date? There's a movie I thought we could see, then theres the park, and maybe have dinner at the dinner in town?" I blushed as I failed at not ranting. I'm so flustered right now it's not funny.

"Yeah sounds fun." She said

After an hour of getting ready in seprate rooms we were ready.I had gotten sick twice I went to far and I can't eat yet again, cazzo .I thought I looked ok. I was wearing my black skinny jeans a black shirt that had a red ad for an american soda company on it. And of course, I never went anywhere without it,my black hoddie, with red and black designs on it. But what Maddie was wearing was just gorgeous. A sun dress, it had a white sweater part since it was cold out. The dress was white, with small red maple leaves covering the bottom trim of the dress.

She blushed shyly, I blushed, as I realized I was checking her out.

"Ready to go Lovino?" She asked her voice at it's quiet honey sweet tone.

"Yeah whatever let's go." I say stuffing my hands in my pockets.

We walked out of my dorm together holding hands. When she grabbed my hand I felt my face heat up. When I looked at her, she smiled brightly at me. I couldn't deny her. Holding Maddies hand I realized, I never had felt so safe except for... No, I'm with Maddie, I refuse to think of that bastardo.

"Something wrong Lovi?" She asked

"Niente." I replied I can't tell her I was thinking of him while I'm on a date with her

We walked on for a few minutes, until Maddie found something that caught her attention. She ran to look at whatever it was in the shop window, I walked over to see what it was. I smiled slightly at what she was looking at. A stuffed polar bear display, the background was white and snowy just the way she discribed her home town.

"Oh sorry, we can go to the movie now." She apologized

"It's fine I don't really wanna see the movie. If you want I can get you one." I said motioning to the display.

Her eyes brightned, then she looked down. I could tell, something simular must have happened with Alfred.

"No thanks I'd feel bad." She said looking me in the eyes.

I loved those purpley blue eyes, they made me melt. I realized it at that moment. I couldn't eat, this time I didn't have Vander to cover and say I'd already ate. I was bulimic once again, but Maddie was smarter then Toni. She might realize, I promised I'd get the two of us food at the diner. Cazzo, I can't cover it up this time.

We walked about another hour. The park was Maddies next idea. I had a bad feeling though, we were lucky so far noone from school saw us. I knew the moment they saw us, Maddie would get harrassed, I had to try to protect her. I could see the park slowly come into view. I saw it, it was like they were waiting for us. Alfred and Antonio, They stood with a group of ten people talking and laughing. Maddies grip on my hand tightened.

"Are you sure you wanna go to the park Maddie?" I asked unsure that we should go.

She nodded yes, and seemed to drag me along as she walked faster. Our eyes met for a breif second, He looked back at his group, then said something about us. Maddie dragged us to the swing set. Alfred sent a glare in my direction, it had sent a cold chill down my spine. I moved my arm to around Maddies waist, and glared back, wrong move.

"Ha now the faggots a duo!" Someone from the group yelled .

"Maddie, you should shot yourself before you get Lovinos aids!" Another shouted

Two stepped out of the group that I wish didn't. Alfred, and Antonio, I didn't know what to do, they could say anything.

"Maddie I knew you were pathetic but, to become a faggot, your stupid too, I bet you two dykes gave each other stds." Alfred made a grossed out face to prove his disgust.

"Lovi, your such a little whore, you stupid fag, shoot yourself already cause if I have to see your face I might-" Antonio stepped forward slightly and pushed me to the ground, right into the water fountain.

"Oops." He and his little friends laughed.

The pain surged through my back, like someone hit it with a hammer. But my heart, it felt like a chain saw ripped threw it. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't let myself look week and let them get Maddie next. I picked myself up slowly, looking more hurt then I was, then I launched my self at the stupid spaniard. I sucessfully knocked him to the ground, punching him in the face multiple times.

".Back." I growled hitting him again.

Alfred tried to peel me off, only to get knocked backward himself.

"L-Lovi." The small whispery honey voice said it sounded scared like a little kid and a...Monster...

I got up and walked back to my girlfriend. Pulling her into a quick kiss.

"That's a warning. I have a right to love, but you stronzi 't have one " I swore saying the italian words like posin.

We walked back to the dorm. It was all we could do, we were both scared. Maddie of me, and me of everyone. I walked into the bathroom right away. I fell into a silent sob, bitting my lip to not make a sound. His face it was stuck in my head. He said everthing so matter of factly, he hurt me so effortlessly. He really hated me, but I was over him. Maddie, Maddie was my love. But I was no better then every one else. Willing to punch someone whenever, to get into a meaningless fight, whenever. It was time again, I pulled the knife out taking off my shirt. On my stomache one name was fadding. I can't forget why I hate him. I carved over it, blood forming over every simple cut. I had to smile, not a happy I'm ok smile. He'd done it, I was finally broke, I had the twisted smile on. I wanted him to suffer like me. I hope his brusies never fade. I hope he gets aids from everyon he's slept with. I hope the school burns to the ground.

When I walked out I saw Maddie asleep on the bed. She must have been exhausted, I was pretty tired my self.

"Buonanotte, la mia piccola foglia d'acero." I smoothed her hair, seeing the bruise.

Suddenly, I realized why she was so scared of me earlier. That wasn't a hit from some girl, it was Alfred. I can't blow up like that anymore. Who knows how broke she is? I am but noone but him, knew. I'm so stupid, I've known how stupid I am but tonight, was a rareity, were I realize everything, makeing my self seem so much more stupid. Toni wasn't shy about admitting he took stuff for problem. I however, could never admitt to having insamnia or most of my other stuff.

Maddie is so special. I've never was able to get to sleep before, without meds. But tonight, I lay next to Maddie, and fall alseep, a deep scared sleep.

"Maddie! Please, please, Maddie." I beg as she hold the gun to her chest.

"Lovi I can't let you be with me! Your like Alfred, I can't" She sobbs pulling the trigger.

I realize we're in a hallway, the corridor at school noone uses. The white walls are covered in blood, my shoes are now crimson red. I have blood on me, I have Maddies blood on me. I let her pull the trigger, I'm an abuser. I'm no better then Alfred. I'm a murderer. Why? I destroy everything I touch, I should be dead. Not Maddie, not her. Kill me instead!

"KILL ME INSTEAD!" I cried shooting up out of bed.

Sweat, cold sweat dripped all over my forehead. It was currently 3:45, school was in 3 and a half hours. Maddie was soon up too.

"Lovino! Lovino! Don't let him take me back! Please!" She cried clutching my arm.

My chest tightened. Maddie thought I'd ever let Alfred take her back, but if I stay, I might hurt her. Am I an abuser? I am a curse, so I must destroy everything I touch. I clutched Maddie tightly.

"I'll always protect you! I'm not a fake hero like Alfred. I promise, I'll protect you." I promised.

She sobs face in my chest. Then I realized the contact, and situation. I wasn't wearing a shirt... My god, I don't understand why, but my chest got tighter. A deep tomatoe red blush spread across my face. Maddie choice then to look at me. She wiped her tears with the back over her hand. Long honey blonde hair fowing freely behind her back.

To see Maddies hair down was a rare sight, I don't think Alfred's even seen it. Same with Maddie without her glasses. Yet she's still so beautiful, not matter what. Words can't describe her beauty.

"Maddeline Williams Bonnefoy, I love you." I said looking dead serious.

I leaned down and kissed her forehead. She blinked once, then captured my own lips, sending serious down the drain bringing back my blush. That stupid bitch, but I can't help but love her. We finally managed to fall back alseep. Only to forget we have to suffer tomarrow.

I woke up to my new alarm, the smell of pancakes. Fuck, theres no way Maddie won't catch me now if I throw up.

"Lovi, are you up?" She asked quietly walking into my, no, our room.

"Yeah," I said stretching

"Want some pancakes?" She asked I shook my head quickly.

"No thanks, I'm not hungry, I gonna go take a shower." I told her

I felt bad lying, in reality I was starving. But if I ate I'd throw up, I have a problem named belimia.I felt so bad, a long time ago, well thats how long it feels, I promised Belle I wouldn't cut, and I wouldn't make my self sick anymore. That promise must have disapeared when she did.

I stripped myself of my clothing, before stepping into the shower. I turned the water to a boiling tempurature, scolding my skin. I bit my lip as I grabbed my wash cloth. I did as usual, scrubing my skin fast for a long time leaving bright red stinging marks. I was much more gentle washing my hair but, I got a flashblack yet again.

A young girl screamed along with a string of italian curses.

"YOU LITTLE FAGGOT GET BACK HERE!" Her supposed to be parent yelled grabbing her ponytail to get her to stay.

Tears dripped her face as a large chunck of her chestnut brown hair fell into her mothers hands. Bitting her lip till brusies started to form. It stung so badly, but she didn't know which hurt worse. The sharp stinging, no, burning feeling from her hair being yanked out, or the pain from her lip that she bit into. She decided lip as she tasted something like a million pennys.

A string of french words left her mothers mouth followed by laughter.

I snapped out of it, and turned off the water. I brushed through my chestnut brown hair a few times, leaving it wet I put it into a high ponytail. I put on my clothes slowly, then looking in the mirrior I wanted to scream. Looking at my stupid ice blue eyes had that effect on me. Why did I have to meet Maddie? I could have finally died, I always have to fall to hard dont I?

When I got out Maddie was waiting in her uniform ready to go to classes with me, though we have only one class together.

The uniforms at my school were really simple. For girls, an navy blue blazer, then inside an eggshell white shirt, and a black tie, then a red plaid skirt that goes just above my knees. Then for shoes, for both it's black dress shoes, for girls we have black socks, that go just below our knees. Boys also have the navy blue blazer, but the most inner layer is a white shirt, out side of that one of those black things that are worn with shirts, and black plaid if they want, instead of the blakc thing, it can be an olivey borwn color.

Maddie grabbed her backpack, she looked so carefree. Did she even remember that we were bullied for being in love? I wished we were invisible together. I wish noone saw her but me, but I know thats not right, becuase of Alfred. I felt as Maddie grabbed my hand. I squeezed her hand as we walked down to the school.

People looked at us like we were trash. Love is love, Maddies brother Francis had no problem with people. He'd been out of the closet since middle school. Now he's 17 and noone picks on him. Why us? I heard many whispers of 'faggots' and 'I hope they getting aids and die' with alot of 'their kind shouldn't exist'. Maddie cluthed to me tighter, but I was as scared as she was. I wanted to die right then and there, but now I had to be strong, make a statment, maybe someone would repect me for it. But, maybe not.

The first bell rang. Maddie leaned up and kissed me on the cheek.

"Bye Lovi." She said skipping away, her pig tails danceing behind her as she ran.

I stared in the direction she had ran, till the next bell rang. She had gym class first, they were in their hockey unit. Maddie... She's so brave to go when she knows what will happen. I decided it was no good to stand there and ran to my own class. Wood shop...

I got there just before annoucements, people sent glares in my direction. Even the teahcer, I hoped it was just because I was almost late, but I knew I was wrong. I sat not paying attention as Mrs. Braginski made the annoucemants, until...

"Speacial annoucement to Lovino Vargas, and Madeline Williams Bonnefoy, you two aren't aloud to fuck on my school campus and dorms"

I blinked. There was sevral snickers in the room, I held back tears. Why did even teachers have to make comments. I hope Maddie is ok.

(Maddies pov)

I put on my clothes in the bathroom, that way I could avoid the locker room at all costs. People say I'm groos , yet they always throw me up against the wall and practically rape me. I don't think it's right. When I got in the gym I started stretching in the corner. I listened to the announcements to see if I got picked as the artist of the month. I heard my name but not how I wanted.

Were teahcers even allowed to say that? I couldn't belive that! Did that mean even teachers were against me? Francis always said everyone could love anyone. Love is love, you can't control it!

"Okay on this side of the gym I want Maddeline!" The gym coach yelled

I went to the direction only to realize noone had a stick, everyone else went in the oppisite direction of me. They held up dodge balls, I wasn't scared, they were soft after all. Coach blew his whistle. Th first ball missed but then I noticed as something sharp cut across my skin. It stung badly. I clutched my arm, but when I pulled back, I noticed something sticky and crimson red was on my hand, and it smelled like...Blood...I was bleeding, I looked on the ground around me. Glass covered the floor. Iheld up my arms to sheild my face. Why? Do they want me to die this badly? Can't I be invisible again? I screamed in pain as multiple shards stung my legs. Why? I screamed again as crimson was deeply staining my clothes. Why do they hate me?

(Lovinos pov)

I was standing in the bathroom. Crimson blood all over me. I had been harrassed for my cuts, my sexuality, my idenity disorder, and my eating disorder. I wanna just die already. I took the pills out of my pocket, I also have social anxiety. I never threw myself into a crowd. I went crazy if I didn't take my pill. It helped so I could be in a crowd, but I still hate people.

Today was the worst officially. More death threats spilled out of my locker, on the front of my locker were sticky notes and name tags that said stuff like. Die, Faggot, My Name is Dyke, Lez whore, Get aids and die, probably have stds already, go cut urself. And stuff like that, my cell phone buzzed twice. I opened it to see who the text was from.

Maddie: Lovi please come get me on the roof and wanna go home

I flew my hands across the buttonsa for a quick reply.

Lovino: I'm coming.

I wasted no time to come get her. When I finally got to the roof I wanted to kill someone. There was Maddie, soaked in her own blood. Her homey blonde hair had blood in it, it was tangled in blood. And it was all my fault. Because I talk to her she's getting beat up. I will never let anyone do this again. But to save her, I can't live.

The next morning I decided I couldn't cry when Maddie got up and got ready...

"Oh Lovi do you not feel well?" She asked her voice genuienly concerned,

"Yeah I'm stay home today." I told her she smiled softly

I pulled her into a deep embrace. I slowly pulled her up to my own lips. This kiss was so differnt it was sad, and long. Soon my toungue found it's way into her mouth. Her toungue fought back slightly. When we pulled apart we both were pink in embarrasment.

"Bye Maddie." I said sadly laying down.

"Bye Lovi." She called back five minutes later the door closed, this would be the last time I ever saw Maddie again.


	2. Movie?

Big author note for fans of my stroy thus so far

Ciao guys guess what came to me in a dream...

Lovely pain will be...

A cosplay movie!

I will be Lovino in it. I have my cast and in about a month the first one will be up.

Continue being my faithful readers and my undying fans

Now lets gang up and kick spains ass...Okay Spain fangirls who dont think he's an ass we wont kill him...

Yet anyways be looking for it on my youtube channel TheHuskyfreak... Also check out my singing vids while ur at it.

I'll finish the next chapter soon enough


	3. Lovely Death

Chapter 2

I walked slowly to the roof of Gauken Hetalia. It never seemed to go up this to think yesterday I was up here with Maddie. Maddie I'm sorry, I can't hold on, I love you, please remember that. I just can't deal with everything. Your so much stronger then me, I'm so selfish that I didn't tell you, but it's to save you. I left a note, I really love Maddie. Maddie is my girlfriend, I promised not to hurt her like Alfred, but I can't take it anymore. Maddie's important to me, I'd be able to live forever with her if it weren't for Toni and Alfred making them hate us, she helps me smile when I want to only cry, our relationship was so short, but I loved every moment her and I spent together.

Thinking back, I never thought I was capable of this. I hope your happy now Toni, your the reason I'm doing this, I only wanted to at least stay friends, but you couldn't even respect that could you? You needed me to suffer. So I promise I did.

I finally was about to do it, everyone should be in class by now. Funny I kind of wish people were here to watch what they caused, I took of the hoodie I wore on me and Maddies date, it was what had grounded me this whole time from killing, but now it had that beautiful smell of maple all over it. My cuts stung, like a burning tree in a wild fire, when firce wind hits them. I lean near the edege but I start to remember ...

"Lovi, be careful you could fall off the edge and get realy hurt."

"Nah Toni, I'm fine, you just worry to much, idiot." The italian laughed, carefully brushing her bangs out of her eyes...

"Toni" I whisper quietly

"But think Rovi." I tell myself in a whisper

"It's Valentines Day, and your about to kill yourself, instead of showering Maddie in love, and gifts." I find myself laughing darkly as I say this.

Heres Maddies gift from Toni, your girlfriends comitting suicide Maddie. Happy Valentines Day. Hahaha. But that makes me remeber the feeling of being here yesterday...

She decided, then, and there, she would murder the next person who hurt Maddie. They made her bleed, they made her cry.

But the person who made her girlfriend cry was infact herself, so the only respectable punishment would have to be...

I snap out of it as a cool breeze hits me. I should have ate a pancake this morning, everyone says thats they have one regret before suicide, thats mine. I didn't wanna force anything on Maddie, so more then what happened this morning is a big no.

I can't belive now, I'm almost on the edge. Maddie shouldn't have to suffer because I made her noticed. Toni should have some sort of punishment becuase of what he's done. I look out, only to see his figure jog, towards the school, perfect, I have decided the punishment. Congratulations, Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, you have won the honor of seeing me die. I laugh darkly again.

I'm on the edge now, as I slowly push my weight forward. I smile once more this was it, Feli you can have your attention from the world, Mom and Nonno can like you you can date all the Belles in the world for all I care, but I'll laugh when you get aids, and lay a fingure on Maddie and I'll haunt you until you die. As I'm falling, I feel so free, so safe. I'm sorry Maddie, please forgive me for being a bitch. For the rest of you I hope your happy. Expecially you _**Antonio**_.

That was my last breath...

(At that same moment with Antonio)

I can't belive I'm late again. Lets see, I have this class with Lovi right? Oh well I'm almost there, by the brusies still on my face from the weekend at the park, think she hates me enough now . I wish it didn't come to this, but Lovi knows it had to. I can't be friends with my exs,it just dosn't work.I told her already. I never have, so I had to make her hate me. I inhale once more as I stop my sprint and start walking, I wish I wasn't late today. I'm always late for first period, but today it feels like I'm really late, Lovino used to glare at me and call me stupid for being late. Then I used to hug her and she'd be a tomatoe. I miss it so much

A shadow apears to be right infront of me. I stop it's shadow getting smaller and smaller. A bone cracking blood shiqushy sound makes my whole body go numb. I look down, my eyes the only thing that will move. I see it, the body of possibly one of the students. Theres no uniform, my stomache flips, there blood everywhere. On my shoes, my uniform, all over the person, and sidewalk.A suicide jump. I look closely, A girl based off the long hair, she has light chestnut brown hair, it's matted with blood now. I freeze. Her boots, only one girl has those boots. The boots that are- well used to be, their now covered in, gulp, blood. A faded brown black that have a milatary style. Those are Lovinos shoes...Lovino is...Lovino she's...The girl on the ground is.

I try to scream but I can't I can't tell what just happened. How? How did it come to this? Lovi...She used to be my Lovi...

Lovinos body was shattered infront of me. Blood everywhere, the crimson was all over her skull that was crashed into the pavment, right infront of me.

"LOVINO!" I scream

"LOVINO!"

Why? It's all my fault... I told people.I told her she was a faggot.I let people push her around. I ignored her. I didn't save her. I broke her more, and she only wanted to be my friend. She really loved me. And I killed her.

**I killed her**

", There better be someone dieing for you to- OH MY GOD!"

I couldn't feel anything. Everything sounded like I was underwater. I was faintly aware that someone was trying to talk to me. Someone was also on the phone I could here them yell into the phone.

After today I can't feel anything but numbness. I was the reason she was dead. I was almost as broke as she was. I was once there, slipping away from my sanity wanting to die. Now that I think maybe it could have gotten worse.

Lovino had bad health mentaly and physically and I knew that. She had a hole in here heart from having belimia. She had Identity disorder. She often got horrible flashbacks, and I used to tell her that it was stupid and just the past. She was already gone. I killed her. I never thought with all of her 'Hey stupid if I died...You'd miss me right?' she'd do it one day...

"Hey stupid get off it's to early in the morning to be hugging me" Her soft hand slaps me like every morning

"Don't act like you don't like me Lovi you turn into a tomatoe whenever I'm around" I smirk as she gose crimson

Another slap "Shut it bastard"

"Thanks"

(The same time as Lovino on the roof with Maddie)

I walk slowly down the corredor. I wasn't surprised I knew soon it'd come to this. Almost noone knew I existed. Beside the people who harrassed me and Lovi for being in love. I'm sorry Lovi I hope this won't hurt you. Maybe you'll forget me in time like everyone else. Maddie William Bonnefoy.. Who's that? Why I don't even know. I left Lovi a note this morning it's on the fridge. Today she said she wasn't feeling well. I hope she gets better, I really do love her. I hope she stops cutting and her belimia gets better, as with her heart.

Maybe people will leave her alone without me here. I'm so sorry. Haha I remeber the first time I walked down these halls with Alfred.

"Ok Maddie follow me we'll find homeroom soon enough."

"Al were lost."

"Nope we'll find it and I'll make sure everyones nice to you here so don't worry."

His smile was like a million of those lights he talks about from New York.

No I can't think of him...He used to make me wanna do this. Going on stupid partys with his friends and drinking while I was waiting for him to come home. He used to hit me for being quiet. That's the way I am, sorry Alfred. Lovi would never hit me. I should tell her goodbye.

I dial her number on my phone. It goes right to the machine.

"If your not important don't fucking call me...Unless you plan to bring me a tomatoe." Her voice says

I hang up decided best to not call back and let her rest. Sorry can't say goodbye. Maybe this is best, maybe.

I take my last breath along with my last smile. As I hold up the gun to my head. I let a tear slip as the cold metal touches my hair. I slowly pull the trigger. I let a shaky breath as tears slip down my face. My last breath

Goodbye Lovino. I love you forever.

(Meanwhile with Alfred)

Man class is so boring. I wish Maddie was here she always looks so pretty. Not that I'll talk to her. She dosn't even like me. But its to bad I was gonna give her another chance to be with me. Arthur was a bust turns out he likes Maddies older brother Francis. Tonis idea of not talking to Maddie unless it's to say something mean is stupid. It pulled her to that stupid italian more then it did to draw her back to me. Man I need to leave this class

"HEY! I NEED TO LEAVE!" I yell to get the teachers attention.

"Why this time Alfred?" The teacher sighs

"I'm thirsty." I declare

"Take the pass please."

I'm so happy to fianlly get out of homeroom. She's sooooo boring. I walk down the countless halls until I see someone standing in an empty one. She looks like an angel. Honey blonde curly hair falling losly down her back. Then I notice as she holds something to her head. It was werid she kinda looked like Maddie, but Maddie always has pigtails. Huh the thing she's holding looks like a...SHIT!

I ran to her before I heard the shot pirced my ears like nails on a chalkboard. I knelt down to the girl. Blood pouring from her head. The smell seems to taunt me. She fell forward her face facing oppisite of were I was standing. Crimson red was on the walls and even more on the floor. I crawl to the other side of her to see the face. A sharp pain goes into my hand. I look down to see a pair of broken glasses.I pulled out the piece from my hand, and licked it, to stop the blood.

I moved some hair from the girls face only to see something I hoped I would never have to see. The face of the girl was pale, purply blue eyes still open. I put my hand over them so they'd close. She was so lifeless...DEAD... I shook tears threating to go over my eyes. I felt so numb.

"MADDIE!" I yell

A few teachers run out and are at a loss for words. I want to be strong but it comes out as a strangled whisper.

"Why?"

Then reality struck It was me..I killed Maddie, I was always trying to protect her. But I hurt her.

**I killed her**

It's my fault why did I do it?

I could hear screams like I was underwater. I gulp, am I a murder? Toni told me what to do but...but I listened to what he said, I did it. Dammit...I fucking killed her!

(Antonio)

Everything felt underwater. I couldn't hear much. I was faintly aware of someone yelling and shaking me. I could hear part of a converstation possibly with the ambulance.

"Yes...Two suicides...We still have a pulse on one so hurry...No the other sigh she's shattered into the pavement...Two girls...Yes they both went to school here.."

I held back any tears that threatend me. I stared off faintly aware of someone yelling at me. Maybe it's Belle...

"ANTONIO! I KNOW YOU IGNORING ME! SHE'S GONE HAHAHAHA SHE'S FUCKING GONE! IT'S WHAT _**YOU**___WANTED!"

It really isn't. I wanted to stop talking to Lovino, have her never speak to me.

'Well Bastard you got your wish'

That voice rang out it my head. It was like Lovi was in my head. Weak insults is all I remember. Her soft whispers of bastardo when I made her a tomato. Her complaints of me taking her tomatos and me comparing her to them. My sweet little tomato laugh slightly at werid things. Her small quirks that made her cute. The way she always tried to pretend she didn't moan when someone touched her bangs. The way she gets shy of speaking to people unless it's something important to her. The way she yells if I get to close then takes it back when I go away. The list could go on forever on what I loved about Lovino.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I saw bright lights and a man go near Lovino. **MY** Lovino. He was putting her on a strecher and covered it with a blanket.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"

"My job sir." The man calmly replyed

"NO! YOU CAN'T TAKE MY LOVINO!"

The man ignored my yells and proceded to take my tomato away

"NO YOU CAN'T COVER HER LIKE THAT SHE-SHE'S AFRAID OF THE DARK!"

My yells weren't working. I had to do the last resort. I ran to the man and pushed him away then quickly clutched Lovinos lifeless bodys remains. There was something sticky on my hands I could feel it going through my clothes too.

"No..Please don't don't take away Lovino. She's afraid of being alone. Please she probably just hasn't taken her meds yet. he'll be ok if she has them." I beg I feel something wet cover my face.

A person comes up behind me and makes it so I can't move. The first man drags the strecher with Lovino to the ambulance.

"NO! LOVINO! LOVINO!...Please don't take mi tomate."

I hear a door open and more screams but not from me. People are talking to me from all around. But they aren't the voices I want to hear. I can't move. I feel so frozen. So lifeless like I'm dead.

(Alfred)

I had my head on my Maddies chest. Noone will ever come between us again. I was only faintly aware someone new entered the room.

He triesto move Maddie to the strecher. I grasp her tigher. He tries againb I don't budge. He bends down and touches her wrist.

"Kid you need to move so we can save her." He says

I glare lies. He's lying.

"She has a pulse but we have to hurry."

I let Maddie I can trust him. He slowly moved my canadian to the strecher. Wait what if he's lying. Maybe he's gonna steal **my** Maddie like that stupid italian bitch. Maybe he's- wait. Wheres Maddie. She's gone he took her.

I waste no time getting to my feet and running in the exit of the school. A car with flahing lights started to take off.

"THEY HAVE MADDIE! QUICK SOMEONE STOP THEM! MADDIE! MADDIE!" I can't keep up.

The vehicle was to fast I triped and was harshly sent to the ground. I didn't save her...I'm not the hero.

( 1 hour later in a hotel in Romainia Felicianos pov)

Today was so mcuh fun so far. It might be the best day ever. To bad Lovinos class didn't get to go to Romania. In a hour or two we're gonna go get lunch. Ludwig even seems to be having fun. He isn't yelling at me as much so thats good. Oh I know what I should do. I'll take a coin from there currency its called a leu. Lovino loves stuff like that.

Ludwig is taking a shower but after he is done we are gonna meet with the other two from our group. Francis and Arthur. They are really nice, but they tend to fight alot. But it's just lovers quarrels I guess.

I look at my phone like I'm waiting for Lovino to call. But then again my sister would never call me for any stupid reason so maybe not. I'm so glad I'm got used to calling her by the name Antonio changed it too. I used to feel like my heart would spilt in half having to call her Rovino. They named her 'I ruin' she belives it sometimes too which really hurts. But my sorella isn't a destroying thing. Nope she's really pretty and can make good gelato, and stop a fight, and she can sing really pretty too. But she hans't done it much sense middle school.

I jump as my ringtone starts to play. It startles me sometimes when I space out. I answer without looking at the caller id.

"Ciao." I say happily into the phone

"Is this Feliciano Vargas?Younger brother to Lovino Vargas?" The voice was deep I didn't know it. Was Sorella in trouble?

"Yes?" I answer unsurly

"I'm very sorry to deliver this call but your sister has been dead since 9:30 this morning."

` Did I hear him right? Dead..My sorella Lovino, the girl who throws tables at tvs because she dosn't like the score of a game. The same Lovino Vargas who was so strong nothing could hurt her. No this this can't be...

"? Are you still there?" I gulped listening to the deadpanned voice.

"Y-yes" My voice is so shakey it's almost like I can't breathe

"We'd prefer if you could be here in London as soon as possible." The voice said

"I undertand." I say though I really dont understand

I know I must have said something else but I can't think of it. Im feel so unaware. How did I just lose my sister?

"Feliciano you can shower now if you want." The german accent fluttered from the bathroom.

(Ludwig)

I wrapped a towel around my waist before slicking my hair back. I looked into the mirror. How did I even deserve Feliciano. I study myself. I have straight Blonde hair with my bangs slicked back always a very hard and serious face and serious blue eyes. Feliciano on the other hand has beautiful chocolate brown eyes, short straight light red borwn hair and this one curl that can never stay in place. Feliciano was an angel sent from god for me to love. Felicianos only problem was that overprotective sister of his. I'm probly one of the most feared sophomore next to that swed Berwald.

I sighed and went to open the bathroom door.

"Feliciano you can shower now if you want."

When I opened the door I never expected to see it. Feliciano was laying on the floor shaking violently. Cell phone on the ground infront of him.

"Feliciano!" I ran over to him as fast as I could without dropping my towel. The carpet near him was wet and I could hear slight sobs.

He looked up at me as I put my arm on his back. He jumped and wrapped his arms around me. I feel to the carpet with a harsh thud. His beautiful smile wasn't there, instead a frown. His eyes were shut with tears overflowing them.

"No perché la mia sorella se n'è andata perché quel bastardo stupida fatta morire voglio!" He cried pounding on my chest

I didn't know what to do. Or what he was saying, I calmly rubbed his back and made calming sounds. After near an hour he was asleep. I could hear my phone ringing from the bedside table, I moved him soflty onto the bed.

"Sorella." He squeaked in his sleep when I set him down.

I sighed as I answered my phone

"Hallo." I said sternly

"WEST! DUDE IT WAS INSAINE! not insaine awesome insaine scary and bad and shit! DUDE HAS FELI GOT THE CALL YET?"

The fast accent flew through the phone like a huge breeze. I reconised it, Gilbert Belschimdt, my older brother.

"Repeat again but slower Gil." I said sternly I didn't know what he was talking about what call.

"Lovino! Felis sister, she jumped off the fucking school!" He exclaimed

"What!" I yelled into the phone loudly

"Yeah today was like double sucide day. I should probably see if Frany is ok his younger sister shot her self, but she might still be alive." Gilbert said thoughfully

"Wait go back about Lovino. Tell me everything from the begining."

"It's not really something I wanna talk about..." Gilbert said getting quieter

"WHAT HAPPENED!" I yelled again to show how serious this was

"Lovino and Toni broke up as you know...But he just I dunno started to sleep with everyone. Then he was goin out with Belle. It really hurt Lovino she started cutting. But then Toni started spreading everything bad he knew about Lovino. Apprantly she's a bisexual. But people started beating her up and harrassing her. Then she started goin out with Franys sister Maddie. So Maddie got sucked into it too. Someone lite Maddies dorm on fire so they started staying together. Then it was like everywhere they got bullied. Then today I was in 2nd period and I saw something fall. I thought it was a angel that needed some awesome help so I went outside and Toni was there with teachers and stuff and Lovino was crushed into the ground and stuff. Tried to ask what happened but he looked really shooken up he even had a fight with the medics when they tried to take her away."

My eyes widdened. Lovino 'I'm not even fucking with you don't touch my brother or I'll hang your ass in the woods were noone can fucking find you' Vargas was dead. Dead. She and I never got along but I would never wish her dead.

"We got to leave early but noone really seems affected." I tried to keep listen to him talk but Felciano started to wake up.

"I have to go Gil." I told him closing my phone.

"Feliciano, Es tut mir leid für Sie." I said pulling him into a hug

Noone desrved to have to live like Lovino has, I'm so sorry for her.

(Francis)

"I'm going to check on Feliciano and Ludwig they're late." Arthurs british accent told me told me trying to straighten his messy hair as we sat in the lobby of our hotel.

"Don't take to long Mon amour." I said snickering as his overly large eyebrows were raised then went to normal

"Don't call me things like that git." He murmered

I chuckled as my boyfriend walked to our little underlings rooms. My cell phone ringtone blasted. Hmm maybe it was finally Toni responding to my texts about him and Lovino.

"Bonjour?" I said

"Is this Francis Bonnefoy older brother to Maddeline Williams Bonnefoy?" The voice definiately wasn't mon amis voice

"Oui this is. Why?" I was uncertain Maddie can't be in school trouble she's so quiet.

"Maddieline is dead." The womans voice told me it was completely deadpanned

"Im sorry for your lose sir please return to London a-sap." Then the line went blank

Did she just-was she serious? Maddie! I know I'll call her she'll always answer her brothers calls.

"Hello..Sorry I can't take your call right now sorry. Oh this is Maddies phonr in case you didn't know." The voicemail filled my ears.

I clutched my .Dead how was my sister dead.

"MA SOEUR!" I yelled many people gave me looks. But I didn't care. I pressed speed dial 2 on my phone.

"I've been gone two seconds what is it bastard." The brit said to me

"We are returning to London tonight." I told him tears makeig it had to talk.

"Why do we need to wait one second...MY GOD WHAT'S WRONG! I'll call you back francy pants." The line went dead and I cried slintely in the lobby.

"Maddeline."

(Arthur)

The happy italian I've gotten to know over the past 4 weeks was curled into a ball tears slipping his face and he was shaking. His usual smile was completely gone. Next to him the strict german I've known was completely differnt his usual slicked back hair had fallen into his face. Tears slipping his face as well, he didn't have his usual scowl either he looked rather deadpanned except for the tears.

"Whats wrong with you gits did someone die?" I tried to joke laughing a little Ludwig growled and Felicianos sobbs grew heavy and fierce.

I kneeled onto the ground and rubbed my hand on Felicianos back to try to stop the crying. I hummed a song I used to sing to Alfred when he would cry. I heard heavy footsteps and the door swong open. Only once before had I seen this.

Francis was in tears. He only cried before when his mother Joan died in a fire. But now his only living relative was.

"Oh god is Maddie-" I was going to ask if she was alright but was quickly cut off my Francis.

"Je vais tuer ce frère stupide américaine de la vôtre baise tué ma petite soeur!" He screamed and lewt more tears slip.

From the bit of french I knew he was talking about Alfred and he was stupid. He did something. Il baise tué ma petite soeur...Oh my god. He killed Maddie.

"H-how?" I really didn't want to open Francis' wound but I need to know.

"She shot herself in the school this morning that stupid bastard was supposed to watch her!"

I bit my lip. Maddie was such a sweet shy girl how was she capable of this? Wait Feliciano has a sister, and Ludwig has a brother.

"How are your sibblings?" I asked in the most soothing voice I could muster.

"G-Gils -" Ludwig stutter? I had never heard him do that before.

"L-L-Lo-Lov-v-vino." Feliciano said through fierce tears. Ludwig lowered his head a shiny tear dripped down his cheek.

My god. Yes, I knew Lovino. She wasn't the nicest. I didn't know how Antonio put up with her. She would always call him a bastard and smack him. She was very pretty like Natlia absolutely beautiful. Dispite her temper, I wasn't her fan but. She didn't deserver to die.

"We have to go back to London tonight." I stated. They all looked up.

"I'll call and get us there soon. Truly sorry for your lose. Please excuse me." I said leaving them all in the room to grieve

I settled our call to the airport rather quickly also calling us a cab. Now for the most important call.

The phone went straght to voice mail.

"HEY! You've reached the hero. I'm to busy being awesome to ansewer you so leave a messege." I scowled no time for messeges. I only hung up, then left to pack.

(Alfred)

I drove quickly following the did they take my Maddie. I was going the same speed as the ambulance. I'd make sure Maddie soon as we got to the parking lot I parked somwhere random, parking spot or not it didn't matter. I ran inside to see the people who had Maddie. I ran and caught up behind them. They all were talking about it was usuless. What was useless?

A man blocked me from the door.

"STAY OUT HERE KID!" He barked I stayed. I paced around

How can I stay here when Maddies in pain. Because of me, Maddie is hurting. I should be there instead. I am supposed to be her hero. Why? Why did I follow that idiots advice?

(... )

Alfred began to panick. But Alfred, you shouldn't worry. That can cause insanity, an insanity so sweet and painful. You wished to see her again, right? But don't you know, becareful Alfred. Your wish might come true. Didn't you ever get told that? It's called in your case...A lovely pain. It starts in the heart in steps.

1) Disbeleif 2) Hatred towards everyone but yourself 3)Sorrow 4) Illusions 5) Happiness 6) Insainity 7) Destruction

8) Self mutilation 9) Revenge 10) **Death**

Maddie, young sweet Maddie, such a hopeful life. Doctors are panicking too, do you know why? They are hoping too, hoping that you don't have the bullet in your brain. Or that it never hit a major vein. But, thats so rare. Infact it almost never happens. Hahahahaha. Wish you may Alfred, wish you might. Lovely pain, takes over your heart tonight.

To much blood, sticky crimson red liquid. Long beeps signal it. The doctors try to hold in a cry, leting tears slip. One is worried he broke a promise to a young blonde haird boy who was atching in horror. Lovely Pain taking it's first course. Who am I? Noone yet everyone. I take their places for revenge. I am a helper of the lost to ease their dead hearts. Call me, the promise. I'll make sure Maddie is helped, and that Alfred takes his medicine like a good boy.

(...)

Love. Dose it mean anything to people these days. I have to write down so many names now to my list. Idiots all of them. She is so rare. Blood type, personality, everything. She defys gravity. An athiest italian. The world is insaine. But I understand her. She's kinda like promise. But not.

"Break little angle, Break. Theres nothing left for you to want." Singing is the best to calm the lost soul. But better for me to get my mind off cleaning up that nasty bloody mess.

"P-Please...Cough cough...I know your a demon of regret..Cough cough..I prefer my own revenge" I was certainly surprised. But I already know her game.

I smiled down at the blood filled girl. She stared daggers at me. What a pityful ending.

"Lovely for you -VI-NO." I said her name in syllables respectavly like at a child as I dug my favorite per bloodied dagger through what was left of her heart.

Her eyes were still .I should shut those. Or leave them for Promise. Yup thats the plan. Oh no those eyes their near impossible to copy. Oh well Antonio has the worst case of lovely pain ever. This will be funny. I lick the delisious AB positive blood off my dagger.

Her really name is so beautiful. To ruin, how delectable. Rovino, Rovino. She thought she could hide by changeing her name. How silly you can't hide from Lie. Never.

Lalalalalalala happiness comes to those with pain. My happiness hahahahaha. Soon I'll be cleaning up another case of Lovely Pain.

10 steps of Lovely pain An-To-Ni-O.


	4. Another authors note but happier

Authors note

Twttier is for lovely pain now check my tweets they explane all

_LovelyPain_

/#!/

so now u guys (the epic fans who will actaully give it a look) will be updated on the movie, the soundtrack postings, chapters, what conventions youll see me at

first person to follow me will get a speacial fanfic curtosy of Rovino (me)


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